Is there a place where I can turn to, some place where I can find the things I need?

I reach out to grasp tiny parcels of substance, only to have them slip away into the nothing.

It’s not a matter of what I like, not a matter of what I see.

It’s all about the spaces in between.

I saw the light everyone says you are supposed to see. All the people I knew during life that had died and my family, they were all waiting just on the other side. They called for me, called my name. All I had to do was cross over, but something just did not feel right. Something was off.

So I hesitated for a brief instant and that was all it took.

Pain flooded into my world and the light vanished just as if someone turned off a light switch.

The light was gone that fast. The pain remained. Every muscle in my body suddenly contracted. My chest felt like someone hit it with a hammer. My abdomen convulsed. My body tried to contract into a little ball.

The pain happened several times before the blackness took over and I lost consciousness.

I woke. I wish I had died.

My eyes would not open and my chest hurt. This was the most pain I had ever felt in my life. My chest felt like someone had been pounding on it with a hammer. At least my arms legs did not hurt. I fact, I could not feel them at all.

That worried me a bit, but I let it go and lapsed back into unconsciousness.

When my eyes opened again, I saw a lovely female nurse standing over me. Her hand held a hypodermic needle and she injected something into my IV bag. She looked at me and smiled. I did not smile back. She stroked my forehead with a thermometer strip and then left the room.

Time must have passed, but I was unaware of it. My world consisted of briefs moments of consciousness, all I remembered was pain and the blackness. I did not fear the pain. Pain was a sign I was still alive. I feared the blackness. Every time I closed my eyes, the dreams could come. Something was wrong and I had to find out what it was.

Seeds carry with them the needs of the future
For all that comes stems from the core of the past.
We look forward yet remain standing still.
For there is only now that we live.

An apple falls from the tree, there to lay on the ground.
The seeds travel far to become their full potential.
A tree grows from the core, its thoughts full filed.
We live to grow, we live to be.

Ice melts too quickly, leaving behind cans strewn aside.
The days are long, the nights burn.
But when the winter comes it will bring the cold.

The tree’s bark was peeling away from the tree. 

As the tree grows it sheds it’s bark.  The bark falls to the ground at the base of the tree.

Then the bark breaks down into its component atoms so the tree can reuse them.  Same with the leafs.

Rain carries the nutrients into the soil so the tree’s roots can absorb them.

I just thought that was wonder. 

I sit in McDonalds to write and watch people. And I see at least two or three meetings take place per day. Some days there are more.

Where would the business world be without McDonalds?

Bra’s that push up their massive breasts.  Belts that constrict their waists, trying to give them a figure.

Low cut tops. Even some in halter tops that show ridges of wiggling fat.

I just can’t possibly know what these women are thinking.

I hope I never do. 

I personally have had my own battles with weight.  I go from 285 to 200.  I have lost weight only to gain it back.

I am currently on a down hill slope, trying to get back to where I want to be.

I do not think of myself as “a Hunk”. 

Why do they think they are sexy?

Just curious.

Thanks.

Work has dried up for this summer, and it looks to be some time before I get more.
My money reserves had been used by those that came from me.
I hope I have enough.

I try to conserve as much as I can, but no one seems to understand.
When your heart is smashed into pieces, you do not care as much as you once did.